Blog Everyday in May: Advice

I'm eight days late to this party...but it seems like a really fun party, so I'm about to crash it anyway.

 Luke Bryan wouldn't mind.
He told me I could crash his party anytime.
...see what I did there?

Jenni, from Story of My Life is hosting a blog everyday in May challenge and today's topic is:

A piece of advice you have for others.

I don't really give advice on this blog.

I'm kind of all over the place - I'm often late, my house is usually a mess, and I'm typically behind on what needs to get done.

So I just figure, what the heck kind of advice could I give?

"How to be late to family dinner and get your mom all mad at you"

People probably aren't looking for that kind of advice.

BUT in the spirit of the Blog Everyday in May challenge, I've forced myself to dig really really deep and offer you, the reader, a few nuggets of wisdom.

-Don't bite your nails right before you intend to kiss your husband.

He'll tell you you're gross and shoo you away

-If you haven't vacuumed in a few days and dog hair is collecting on your floors, don't close your hall closet doors too quickly,

or else you'll get a puff of animal fur in your face

-Always turn your headlights off before you open your garage, that way you're not shining a spotlight on your messy crap for all your neighbors to see

-If someone accidently spits on you while they're talking to you, it's ok to wipe it off.

Life's too short to have conversations with other people's saliva on your face

#aintnobodygottimeforthat

-Always tell corny jokes

-Always add "in bed" to the end of your fortune cookie fortune.

They're way better that way.

-The stink-eye is way more effective than the middle finger

and last but not least,

-Please oh please, always use proper grammar.

I promise, you'll go far in life