Thursday, September 26, 2013

Crash Adams

Guys, I have to share something with you that happened weeks ago that I never blogged about because, quite frankly, I was still getting over it.

I got into a car accident and it was my fault. 
There. I said it.

No one was hurt, fortunately, and in fact, after learning that the other guy was driving on a suspended license and had no car insurance I felt less bad.
But either way, it was the first car accident I'd ever been involved in so the whole thing was so freakin' traumatic for me.

I was crying at shaking at the scene, where the cops probably thought I was a crazy lady, as I kept handing them my license and registration, "here's this. Do you need this? How about now, do you need these yet?"
I didn't really know what else to do. It was the first thing I could think of.

They probably thought I was even more ridiculous when they asked me where I was headed, and I looked away and mumbled, "the Backstreet Boys concert."
Yep. On the way to the Backstreet Boys concert this happened:
Did you think I was going to let a car accident keep me from Brian Littrel?
The police officer was like, "Yeah I'm working that event, so I may see you down there!"
Oh. Cool.

After an entire night, during the concert, of trying to forget about that-which-shall-not-be-named (ahem, the accident), I couldn't help but cry all the next morning at work; I finally asked to go home, then went home and cried some more. Nate tried to make jokes about it and give me a hard time, 
but I shut that down real quick.
Too soon.

BUT, now that my car is almost done being fixed (I've been car-less for over 3 weeks now) and I've taken the online driving school class for my ticket, I think I'm finally over it and ready to put all of this behind me. Even though I try not to think about that-which-shall-not-be-named, I can't help but reflect a little on the whole experience. 
In doing so,  I've come to a realization - the accident really wasn't my fault.

It was my alter-ego: Crash Adams
(You can thank my husband for that name. Crash cause, well, I crashed, and I was on Adams street when it happened)
...Kinda like Beyonce's Sasha Fierce, except way less glamourous and little more wreckless.

In all the 11 years I've been driving, I've never once been in an accident. 
I'm a careful, cautious driver. I've never applied mascara, deoderant, or tried to shave my legs while operating a motor vehicle; it's just not in me;
so I figured it had to be something else that caused the accident.
Someone else.
Enter my alter ego, Crash Adams.

Crash Adams is a bold, brazen driver.
She thinks she can successfully cross six lanes of traffic in rush hour, in Downtown Phoenix, with nothing but a stop sign directing traffic.
Traffic lights? Who needs 'em when you have the guts and glory of Ms. Adams?

Crash Adams only looks left, then right, and omits the "left again"...what a waste of time.

Crash boldly tests the durability and safety of the Hyundai its manufacturers so boldly claim.
Two points for Hyundai. We didn't die.

She even leaves the scene of the crime with her emergency brake unknowingly activated and drives four blocks with the car ferociously dinging in her ear and it doesn't even phase her.  

Ms. Adams could care less about the thought of a traffic citation - in fact, she welcomes it; her driving record is so spotless, she can take Defensive Driving School and it's like it never happened.

See? Blame it on Crash. It's all her fault.
She makes me do bad things. What a B.

Hopefully we can go another 11 years without Crash Adams rearing her ugly head.
And trust me, it's ugly. Just look at the above pictures (sad face)


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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

...And Then I Threw a First World Fit

I saw this post a while back, from Nadine over at Back East Blonde and I was inspired to create my own edition.

"#firstworldprobs" is probably one of my favorite hashtags. 
When Nadine took it a step further and acknowledged that our first world problems often turn into, well, an even bigger problem, "First World Fits" was born. 
It's a thing. And she invented it.

Have you ever read another blog post and thought to yourself, 
"Dang, I wish I would've thought of that!"?
This was one of those.
...Cause first world fits happen to me on the reg.

These include, but are not limited to:

-Having to change my password at work every three days four weeks. 
Forgetting said new password. 
Getting locked out of your computer. 

Throw a fit. 

CTRL+ALT I hate you! 
-"Eco-friendly" water bottles that crunch up in your hand as soon as you grab hold of one, cause it's made with 99.9% less plastic.

First world fit. 

Your bottled water is a pain in my @$$, Kroger. 
Way too noisy. 

-Pepsi products instead of Coke. 
Not happy. 

-No cell phone service in Downtown Phoenix. 
DOWNTOWN PHOENIX. 
I can't check my Instagram feed, Tweet things that aren't important, or log onto FB in order to avoid work responsibilities. 

Fits. All day.
 
-Real Housewives of New Jersey isn't On Demand anymore.
You mean I can't watch a TV show at my own personal convenience and I have to actually sit down and watch regularly scheduled programming?
Unbelievable, Cox. I hate you too.

-It's taking 3 hours to download the new iOS7?
Unacceptable.
I want my new operating system and I want it now.

I understand there's starving children in Africa, a hole in the Ozone layer (or something), and a potential government shutdown looming...but the idea of not being able to upload a picture of my lunch because Instagram "couldn't refresh feed", is almost unbearable.

Don't lie.
You've done these too. 
  

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Monday, September 23, 2013

That One Time I Did Yoga in the Air

If you can't tell already by the title of this post...it's gonna be a fun one.
Cause it's true: I did yoga and stuff in the air.

 Tough Lotus is an aerial fitness studio near my house that, up until last week, I had never visited; but since my mom and I are on a quest to do things "outside the box," this definitely met that criteria.

I could tell you all the ways aerial fitness is good for you, but it won't sound as scientific and convincing as when the instructor does it.
I just know it felt good and it was really fun and I felt like I was in Cirque du Soleil.
Or also a cocoon. 

If you're a newb and you're trying aerial fitness out for the first time there's a few things I want you to be warned of ahead of time:

When you walk into the studio, don't be alarmed!
These aren't a bunch of crazy S&M contraptions hanging from the ceiling like something you might find in the basement of Fascinations.
They're lovely hammock things that you will float in, and do yoga in, and be weightless and free like a little birdy flying amongst the clouds.

When you sign the waiver at the beginning of class, don't be alarmed! 
Death may be mentioned in every signature line, but your chances of dying are only minimal.
See? We survived. You can too.

When you're hanging upside down and the instructor tells you to walk your hands toward the front of the room, and you don't know which direction the front of the room is in, don't be alarmed!
Just dangle and enjoy the view, cause no one else does either.

When you're doing all kinds of acrobatics in your hammock and it's making your yoga pants slowly creep down your waist, don't be alarmed!
Actually, be alarmed. Crack kills, pull up your pants.

When you really want a picture for your blog, but you always feel awkward taking pictures in public, don't be alarmed! 
Everyone else wants pictures too.

Now that I've calmed all your fears about aerial fitness (I did, right?), you have nothing to worry about. So Find a studio (or if you're in the Chandler area, Marnie's studio),
pull up a chair hammock and hang out.  
See what I did there?



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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Queue and Ayyy

I've been tagged by two of my favorite bloggy friends, Sarah at To Be Mrs. Collier, and Savannah at Arizona Sunshine for the Liebster Award nomination!
Thanks ladies for the blog love! 

It couldn't have come at a more perfect time considering I have a few new followers around here after sponsoring Bonnie's blog over at The Life of Bon. Which by the way, if you're looking to sponsor anyone, sponsor her...she is fantastic!
So if you're new around here, welcome!

Sarah's Questions:

1.) What's your order at Starbucks?
Usually it's a venti soy chai latte.
Iced in the summer, hot in the winter.
Mmmmm.

2.) What is the best gift you have ever received?
I should probably say something meaningful and deep, and thoughtful, but really, the first thing that comes to my mind here is the trampoline I got for Christmas as a kid.
I put a trampoline on my Christmas list for years and it just never happened. And then one year, per the usual, we finished opening up our Christmas gifts, and then my mom asked me to go let the dogs in from the backyard. I opened the curtains and there on the patio was the box for a new trampoline.
And the heavens opened up and the angels sang and it was glorious.

3.) When you brush your teeth, where do you start in your mouth?
Bottom, back, left

4.) Where is your favorite place to eat in your city?
I'd probably have to go with Elmers Tacos, a little bit of a hole-in-the-wall right across the street from my high school. We used to eat there just about everyday during high school, and we still make the trip over there every now and then.

5.) What did you want to be when you grew up?
Kate Hudson. I wanted to be Kate Hudson.
But then I got over that.

6.) What is your favorite part of your day?
When I get home from work and take off my shoes, my pants, and my bra.
TMI?
7.) What is the first thing you do when you get home from work?
See above.

8.) Do you have any road trip rituals?
Pee at every single rest stop.
I really can't avoid it even if I tried.

9.) What is something you always wanted to learn but never got around to it?
Tuvan throat singing.

10.) What type of chapstick or lipgloss do you wear?
Eos errrry day.
Savanna's Questions:

1.) What's been your most favorite vacation?
My honeymoon in Riviera Maya Mexico
It was the shiz.

2.) If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Easy, mac n' cheese.

3.) What's the most inspirational book or movie you've ever read or seen?
Harry Potter.
Duh.

4.) If you couldn't live where you live right now, where would you live and why?
I'd be a snowbird to Alaska in the summer, a vacation home in Hawaii, a cabin up in northern AZ, and another cabin in Lake Tahoe.
It's not asking too much right?

5.) What one thing would you tell your 16 year old self?
Don't freak out, you guys get married anyway.

6.) If you could live in any other time period what would it be?
Does the wizarding world count as a time period?

7.) If you were an animal what would you be and why?
A monkey! They have so much fun swinging all around and climbing all over things.
So jealous.

8.) If you had to pick a movie to be your life, what would you pick?
Hmm...Pitch Perfect? Cause I would love to be friends with Fat Amy, and Skylar Astin is waaaay cute.
Way cute.

9.) What stereotypical "man" job would you like to try out?
President of the United States.

10.) What's your favorite pizza topping?
Pepperoni.

11.) What's your favorite form of social media?
Instagram for the win!!!

Follow me @MissRiss0409

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Monday, September 16, 2013

10 Things I Want to Know but Was Too Afraid to Ask

You know that feeling when you really want to know the answer to something, but it may seem like common knowledge to most, so you hold back your questions for fear of looking stupid?
For example, I'm sure there's a crap ton of you out there that have no idea what's happening in Syria, but you won't ask because you don't want to look uninformed.
Am I right? 
Just me?
 
Anyway, I've compiled a list of things (almost as important as Syria) that I really want to know, but until now, have never asked.
 
1.) Is it "ratchet" or "ratched?" Either way, the definition is Miley Cyrus, right?
 
2.) What does "turnt up" mean?
 
3.) Who is Glen Coco?
 
4.) Iz dis spelling a reflekshun of your intelligenzz, or iz dis how da kool kids do it now?
 
5.) When someone asks you, "what it do?" how do you answer that?
 
6.) What is this emoji doing?
 
7.) What does ZOMG stand for?
 
8.) Why is there a tip jar at the self-serve frozen yogurt joint? It's self-serve, no? 
 
9.) Are gourmet cupcakes still a thing?

10.) And most importantly, where and how do I search for gifs?!
I can't be a real blogger if I don't use gifs.
And if you tell me Tumblr...I can't figure out how to use that either.

Now that you've officially judged me, and I don't blame you for doing so, help a girl out Mmmmk?
For the record, I can sing you all the words to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song, which totally makes up for all the above.

...I should find a gif for that. 

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Sunday, September 15, 2013

A Less Than Thrilling Weekend

Do you want to know how fantastic my weekend was?

I never put any make-up on. Not even once.

I took a nap on both Saturday and Sunday.

I ate Chinese food.

I drank wine.

I paid bills.

I watched football.

I watched baseball.

Aaaaaand that about sums it up.

Naturally, based on all the above-mentioned, I have no fancy pictures to show for it.
You're probably like, why is this girl even posting about her weekend if it was boring and doesn't even include pictures?
I really don't have a good answer for that.

Oh, actually, I got to hang out with my niece this weekend too. And I do have a picture of that.
No matter how the rest of this post goes down, it's all OK now cause we have a picture of Miley.
She's just the cutest.

I also really wanted to tell you all about the cuh-ray-zee ASU vs. Wisconsin football game that went down on Saturday, but truth be told, I really have no idea what happened. It doesn't seem like the media does either, with headlines containing words like, "bizarre final play," "controversial ending," "strange finish," etc. etc. ASU won and that's all that matters. Everything else is something like, 18 seconds left, QB did nor did not take a knee, whistle may or may not have been blown, all while the clock ran out and we won by 2.
Google the rest, it's fine.

And that's all I got for today.

Go easy on me Monday, would ya?

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Friday, September 13, 2013

H54F

Linking up with Lauren today for my fav weekly blog partaaaay and my five favs from this week!

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1.) Out of town guests 
My sister's wedding shower was last weekend (read about the scandal here), so a few of my family from out of town flew in for the weekend. We all had so much fun and I can't wait to see everyone again in October!

2.) Halloween DIY
Had a little DIY sesh for new holiday decorations.
Diggin' my tulle wreath.

You can try and tell me it's too early to put up Halloween decorations, but I've figured out a way to justify it to myself, so I'm totally OK with it.

3.) Harry Potter spin-off(ish)
Word on the street is JK Rowling is writing a movie script that's sorta kinda a spin-off of the Harry Potter series (aka the best book series ever written in the history of man and wizarding kind). I don't even care that Harry and company won't be in it - I just heard the words "JK Rowling" and "wizarding world" in the same sentence and I've been fan-girling out ever since.

4.) The pumpkin train
I jumped on it this week.
And I'm loooooving it.

5.) ASU vs. Wisconsin this weekend
Ooooh boy I'm excited for Saturday night.
It's gonna be a blackout at Sun Devil Stadium, and the game has been all over everything this week here in AZ...and it pumps me up.

Go Devils!

Happy Friday folks!

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Wednesday, September 11, 2013

A Wedding Shower Scandal

I have a friend at work who's from China, and when I told her I had a wedding shower to go to last weekend she said, "there's not an actual shower involved is there?"
Fortunately, no. I'm not down for group showers.

My sister, however, was down for a shower before her October wedding.
A shower of gifts, duh?!!

So that's what we did. We showered her with gifts.

And ate.

And drank (sangria, and champs over sherbet to be exact. Dee-freakin-lish).

And played games.
Bridal Scattegories
The Newlywed game, where every question you answer incorrectly you have to put a piece of bubble gum in your mouth.
The memory apron game
Hopefully mom doesn't get mad at me for that one...

And then the shower ended, fun was had by all, and all was well.
At least that's what we thought.

And THEN Audrey dropped the bomb that for the Newlywed game we played, where Adam, her fiance, was interviewed beforehand, and then Audrey was required to guess his answers...they freakin' cheated.
Adam told her the answers ahead of time.

Cheaters.

So what do you do when the soon-to-be bride and groom collaboratively ruin your bridal shower games by cheating?

You publicly shame them.

And that's what I intend to do.

They're lucky I don't get Nate on here.
As I sat down to write this post Nate goes, "They're f***ing cheaters!! Am I allowed to put that on your blog? Do I need a blog for that? To tell people they're f***ing cheaters?"

I'm gonna go with yes, get your own blog for that, cause we don't use that language 'round these parts.

Anyway...I can't decide if the cone of shame should go to Audrey for asking for the answers, or Adam for giving them to her.
I think it should be equal parts cone of shame.
Cause they're equal parts cheaters.
So they can be equally publicly shamed.

I realize an actual cone of shame is not on their registry, but they should know what to expect as their wedding gift from me.
That and maybe a card full of expletives.
Maybe.

She's lucky we took this picture, because every time I look at it, I'm over the cheating scandal.
And this one.

Adam on the other hand, I don't have any pictures with him, sooooo...he's still on the hook.

For shame Adam, for shame.



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