Monday, January 27, 2014

2014 State of the Union Address: Stuff You Need to Know. Kind of.

It's that time of the year people. And I know what you're thinking: Super Bowl?! Awards season?! Winter Olympics?!...No, no, and no.

It's time for another edition of the State of the Union address! 
Brought to you by the United States Constitution.

You say you're not looking forward to the State of the Union Address (herein referred to as SOTU)?? What's not to look forward to? It's like, the Super Bowl of government and politics!

I would offer you a fantastic drinking game of sorts for the occasion but since drinking games aren't really my thing, I don't have much to offer you. I mean, you can only drink wine so many ways (drink, chug, sip, shot of, etc. etc.) am I right? Just, when you hear things like:
"Let me be clear" 
"Bipartisanship"
"middle class"
"fair share"
"Health plan"
...take a drink of your wine. Red, white, sparkling, rose, whatever it is, drink it.
And rest assured...if you like your hangover you can keep it!
...Cause you built that!

I've heard that the President and the First Lady can invite their own personal guests to the shindig, their own VIPs. You wanna know what else I heard?? BO was so impressed by a young kid who invented a marshmallow launcher, that he got invited to the SOTU. A marshmallow launcher. 
Umm hello?? What's a girl gotta do to get an invitation over here?!
I taught my dogs to high-five me. I cooked macaroni and cheese in my crock pot last week. I know all the words to the Barenaked Ladies' One Week; that's a lot of words and to sing them really fast is really impressive and I should get an invitation to the SOTU for it.

Whether my invitation was lost in the mail or not, there's a few things both you and I can expect to hear about in the SOTU:

Yours truly, BO will probably mention "Executive fiat" at some point or another. He's talking about executive order, and the bypassing of Congress in order to get things passed...not the tiny, European car.
Don't get it twisted.

Also, you'll probably hear BO talk about immigration, more specifically a "comprehensive immigration plan," and that if Congress can just bring him a bill, he'll sign it right away...which is a relief considering all the trouble Justin Bieber's gotten himself into and he's Canadian. What would the United States be if Bieber gets deported, or heaven forbid, can't get his work Visa renewed now that he's a criminal??
...better. That's what it would be.

BO might even bring back the climate change talk cause this Polar Vortex is turning out to be one heck of an ess-oh-bee, no?? Good thing I live on the west coast.

I'm pretty sure infrastructure and "shovel-ready jobs" were so 2009, but I'm thinking it might make a comeback in the SOTU 2014 in light of everything going on in New Jersey. Like traffic jams and stuff. Traffic jams, bridge closures, e-mail scandals, infrastructure, it's all kind of the same thing right?
Does BO concern himself with things going on in New Jersey?

If there's one important lesson to be learned here my friends, it's to always stay hydrated!
I'd hate to see another watergate in 2014.

Now go be productive citizens of your community and watch the State of the Union Address, and drink all the wine you can your paws on.
You're gonna need it.

 photo townsend-sig_zpsd6f7a124.jpg

6 comments:

  1. i personally think we should just let the beebs deleiver the state of the union. more people would watch it for sure. maybe miley too!

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  2. I hope this doesn't interrupt any of my regularly scheduled shows.

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  3. Haha! I second what Erin said ;)

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  4. Bahahaha. I love it. "If you like your hangover you can keep it."

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  5. I LOVE that Arizona Storm picture. I'm in Phoenix!! Found you through Jessa @ Life of a Sports Wife :)

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