It's been a while - 2017 Edition

Alright well, this is a little bit weird here because this is the first time I’ve written a blog post since mid-July. Today is October 1^st. I’m not for sure, but I think that might be the longest I’ve ever gone between posts here at T is for Townsend. I’ve actually come here a few times throughout the summer and started writing some things but nothing ever came to fruition. The truth is I’ve been having a little bit of an internal struggle over here with this blog.

I would get the bug to write, so I’d start, and then I’d stop because I just literally couldn’t think of anything to say or couldn’t get in a good flow. I’d chalk it up to writer’s block.

More time would go by and I’d be like, ‘oh hey look at all this fun stuff I’ve done this summer let’s write about all of it!’ but then I’d start going through all my pictures and I would get overwhelmed with sorting through photos before I’d even begin writing. Which sounds silly, but maybe not because my mom told me a story this summer that goes like this: she used to color in those adult coloring books all the time. She ended up stopping because she said she had too many colored pencils to choose from. She would get so overwhelmed with the amount of options she had, that she couldn't decide on what colors to use so she just stopped coloring. This resembles my problem in that her colored pencils are my photos. I had so many photos to sort through and choose for a post, it became overwhelming so I just stopped posting.

I would also get to cruising old blogs I used to follow and suddenly feel inspired so I’d sit down and try to write something, but then I’d start thinking about how much the blog world has changed and I’d get discouraged and self doubt would creep in and I’d be like why bother? Who’s reading your blog anyway? What other blogs are there to follow anymore anyway? What's even the point of your blog? Do other people even really blog anymore? Where do I find all the bloggers? Where did they go? How deep do you have to dig through sponsored posts and carefully placed paid advertisements to find the actual blog posts anymore? There’s a way bigger web of questions weaved in my head but I’ll stop there and spare you the confusion. Bottom line is, I’d ask all these questions of myself and talk myself out of coming back to this space because I had decided in that moment that there was no point in it.

A few times thereafter I’d think about how I miss my blog and miss posting regularly but then I’d think about actually sitting down and coming up with a post and I just wouldn’t feel inclined to actually do the work. I thought maybe that post back in July was it for me. That blogging and writing just wasn’t my thing anymore. 

So, to test this theory and see if I was really ready to close this chapter, or if I was just in a weird headspace, I started writing in a journal every night. Now, before you roll your eyes and be like seriously Carissa how old are we how cliché are we going to be right now – I totally acknowledge that a journal sounds terribly cheesy and cliché and almost kind of cringy but I can't call it a diary cause that's even more cringy. I started writing in a journal because I remembered back in college I took a creative writing class and we’d always start the first 20 minutes of class just writing in your journal. No prompts, no rules, no requirements just kind of write whatever comes to your mind. I decided to do this on my own every night wondering if it would get my creative juices flowing, or help shake the rust off, or remind me what it feels like to actually write something. No pressure to be clever, or creative, no photos to sift through, just write down the thoughts that come to your head.

While I was in the midst of creating this habit I happened to read an article that was about setting boundaries and rules around the use of technology in families, for example, how much time we spend on our phones, how long we stare at the myriad of screens and devices we have, stuff like that. The author mentioned how they strategically place things around their house that promotes creation vs consumption for their kids; things like crayons, drawing paper, books, musical instruments, etc. This stood out to me – the idea of creation vs. consumption and I really got to thinking about it. 

This blog used to be my creativity. It was where I’d come to write things, to put ideas into a blog post and create something. In the absence of something like that I thought, what kind of things then, have I been creating? Nothing really. I’ve mostly just been consuming. Consuming news, mindlessly scrolling through social media, keeping up on my favorite tv shows, watching too much baseball, etc. 

So long story short (lol that was not that short but whatever), I’ve been wondering like, maybe writing and blogging might not necessarily be what I feel like doing lately, but maybe it’s what I should be doing. Maybe it’s what I need to do. Creativity over consumption. That’s going to be my new mantra and I’m going to start first with this blog so bear with me as I shake off the dust or take too long to sort through my photos. 

Speaking of photos here's one of me and Gunther snuggling to make up for all the words in this post.

Meet you back here in less than 2.5 months!