Monday, February 24, 2014

Everything I Know About Dating and Relationships I Learned From Shania Twain

So last week I told you all about my weekend in Vegas. I'm here to finish that post, cause I told you all about everything, except for the very thing we went to Vegas for:
Shania Twain.

That's right, THE Shania Twain.

Shania Twain was my jam in the 90's; she was the first CD I ever bought. So when my mom and I found out she was playing in Vegas we decided we were going to make it happen this year. And then when my mom checked the ticket prices and realized she was only there through February 15th we decided we need to make it happen before February 15th. Like, now. Don't worry though, word on the street is she renewed her contract with Caesar's Palace and she'll be back in May for another stint. 

There wasn't any photography allowed during the show, so this is the only picture I got before it started:
But then those curtains opened up and it was as if Moses was parting the Red Seas, except instead of an old dude (Moses was like, hundreds of years old right?) in a robe with a large rod, it was a teeny tiny Canadian with long curly hair and black lace.
And once those seas were parted, there was a lot that went down.

She wore this outfit:

Came on stage on this motorcycle:

Played with horses:
And a crap-ton of other awesome things.

So not only do I have Shania to thank for a fan-freakin-tastic show and for singing all my favorite songs live in concert, I actually have her to thank for much more.
Because everything I learned about dating and relationships I learned from Shania herself. Let's discuss, shall we?

Shania taught me that it's important to know what you want in a man. How can you expect to find Mr. Right if you haven't figured out the qualities you're looking for in a suitor? For example, maybe any man of yours better be proud of you; even when you're ugly he still better love you, and you can be late for a date that's fine but he better be on time. Sounds reasonable right?

Also, in your quest to find Mr. Right, don't fall for all the D-bags out there ok? Cause even if you're a rocket scientst...That shouldn't impress you much.


And for the record, Shania was not impressed before being not impressed was cool.
...or before Mckayla was even born for that matter.

When you start developing feelings for your crush, Shania was ahead of the times when she reminds you that no one needs to know right now, which is code for...keep that shiz off Facebook. No one needs you to spill your heart out via social networking. ...Even in the 90s.

I also learned that once you find Mr. Right it's not unreasonable to have a few expectations in your new courtship. For example, at the end of a work day you come home and you're like, "honey I'm home and I had a hard day!And all you want is him to pour you a cold one and oh by the way, rub your feet, give you something to eat, fix you up your favorite treat.
I hate it when my hair goes flat too, Shania. Such a pain in the ass.

It might also behove you gentleman out there to listen to Shania too. She'll lay out a couple ground rules for you real quick in the dating game.
For example:
1.) If you wanna touch her...really wanna touch her...if you wanna touch her...ask.


and
2.) Don't be stupid.

Pretty straight forward if you ask me.

If however, your new-found man friend is being stupid, you need to ask the right questions. For example: who's bed have his boots been under?



Also, we can't forget to always make time to go out with the girls. You know, go totally crazy, forget you're a lady, men's shirts, short skirts...cause man! You feel like a woman!

And lastly, if all else fails just use a driving metaphor.
Driving metaphors work for anything.

And there you have it. Why hasn't Shania written a dating book or something?
Taylor could stand to read a chapter or two. 

All hail Shania!

 photo townsend-sig_zpsd6f7a124.jpg

19 comments:

  1. Love this post ! Love love love shania :)

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    1. Thanks Monica! Shania needs to make a comeback don't you think?! Some new music?! Show all these country ladies how it's done right?! ;)

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  2. Haha only you would make those connections!! Loves it:)

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  3. Haha love it!! She is so gorgeous - looks exactly the same as she did in the 90's, I need to know her secret!! ;)
    Can't believe she had live horses on stage with her! That must have been an awesome show!! xx

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  4. My husbands woman crush is Shania. I can see why. She is fierce!

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  5. LOVE Shania Twain.
    If those rumors are true, and she is in fact renewing her contract, I'm going!

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  6. I LOVE THIS! Who's bed have your boots been undaaarr. That's gonna be stuck in my head all day now!

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  7. SERIOUSLY! i am so incredibly jealous!
    i love her, like LOVE her.
    i could sing all of her songs at any time at the top of my lungs!
    and uh she is GORGEOUS

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  8. Agreed! I think all 12 year old girls should be given an album and told "This will be all you'll need to figure out love"

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  9. Hey, remember went Canada sent us awesome people like Shania and not Justin Bieber? Why can't we have more Shania?? I spent so much time in the 90s watching her videos on CMT and wishing I would look like her when I grew up.

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  10. This is hilarious and too true!! Earlier today I was in the middle of calling my boyfriend back and decided to hang up because "Any Man of Mine" was coming on the radio so obviously I needed to belt that instead. Ya just can't beat Shania!

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  11. OMG my first CD was Shania Twain, too!!! Bahahahahah! I love me some Shania... I miss her era of country! :( I like country still now, don't get me wrong... but the old school Timmy and Shania days were the shit!

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  12. who's bed have your boots been under was my favorite song as a little girl haha

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  13. LOVE Shania Twain I had soo many of her CDs. My mom loved her, therefore, I did and reading this post I could still sing all those lyrics with the time stuck in my head. What a great female country singer. Happy Tuesday girl!

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  14. I remember one night me and my friend stayed up all night singing and dancing to Shania Twain. She is perfect. That is just so so fun that you got to see her live!!

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