Thursday, April 21, 2011

Abra-Cadabra...


A pharmacist once told me that at one of his old stores he used to work at, one of the technicians wore a button reading "pharmacy technicians are humans too." I'm thinking I need to get one of those buttons. Simply to remind people that I am indeed, a human, a mere mortal and as such, I have mortal tendencies, or rather, supernatural Deficiencies.

I am unable to read your mind as to what medication you need refilled.

"I want to refill my prescription."
"Ok! What medication are you looking for?"
"I don't know the name of it"
"Do you know what its for?"
"No."
"Do you know what it looks like?"
"No."
"Can't you just look at my file and see which one? I don't know which one it is!"
"..."

I, unfortunately do not have any go-go-gadget arms to deploy in order to fill all 20 prescriptions lying on my counter simultaneously.

"Is mine ready yet??"
"No, I mentioned if you wanted to wait for it it would be 20 minutes."
"Yeah, and it's been like, a half hour!"
"Your prescription was put in the computer 10 minutes ago."
"You can't just grab it off the shelf and give it to me??"
"..."

As incredible as it may seem, I do not have some sort of a super-human immune system that is indeed...immune to all illnesses. I'd rather not talk to your doctor on your cell phone that you just pulled out from inside your bra strap and coughed and hacked all over. ..."How about he call me?..."

Upon reflecting on some of my weaknesses as a human being in a pharmacy on planet earth I've set some goals for myself to work toward.

1.) Invest in crystal ball
2.) Practice meditating every night. You will try to penetrate the thoughts of Maycee and Gunther. You will raise them off the floor using only your vision. ..."light as a feather stiff as a board, light as a feather stiff as a board..."
3.) Research reconstructive surgery to implant 3 additional arms and extra pair of eyes on the back of head.
4.) Find local magic wand maker. ...is there an app for that?
5.) Recommence OPERATION: BIG GIRL JOB

1 comment:

  1. OMG RISSA this is absolutely hilarioUS!!! Yes we all need a crystal ball here in the medical field, light as a feather!! bahahah i so remembering trying to make that work when i was a kid! i was convinced i could make my sister levitate!! bahah! And you are probably right, there is definitely an app for that! ahhh such comedy this is!!

    i love when my patients tell me "it hurts!" and im supposed to guess if its from the heart attack making their hear sore, or from cracking their chest open with broken ribs, or if their butt has gone officially numb from laying flat after anesthesia... because there are all kinds of interventions and solutions for each owie. Its like we are supposed to have ONE answer that is the solution for ALL their problems...

    hey when you finish inventing that, lemme know... i think i need a ONE answer dose too!
    xoxox

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