Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The New AZ

I'm sure most of you have heard by now, all the states petitioning to secede from the United States after the election earlier this month.
Crazy talk, I tell you.

Arizona is one of the states with a petition going around (which, I hate to say, doesn't surprise me), and I was thinking this morning, seceding from the U.S. is something I could totally be jiggy with.

After AZ becomes it's own country (or whatever they turn into after seceding) I've got some big plans for this place.

First and foremost, I (naturally) would become the president of this newly formed country. And if you read this post, you'd know that since I'm almost done with grad school, I'm totally qualified to run my own country.

Since we would no longer be part of the United States, Arizona would from there-on-out become
Rissa's Territorial Republic of the People's Kingdom of the Democratic States of Arizona 
It's a doozy, I know.
Yes, that eagle is the symbol of the House of Ravenclaw. But I was personally sorted, by the sorting hat, into Ravenclaw in my virtual Pottermore world.
I gotta pay homage.

Our new National Anthem would be something to the likes of England's "All hail the Queen Rissa"
Actually scratch that. 
Too vain.
Maybe something more like "Call me Vote for me Maybe"
Actually scratch that.
No one's voting for me.
I'm totally self-appointed. 

Maybe I'll figure out the National Anthem later...

Our National Animal would be Maycee:

And our other National Animal would be Gunther:

They say your first 100 days in office are the most critical, and the most effective.
As such, in my first 100 days as the new President of Rissa's Territorial Republic of the People's Kingdom of the Democratic States of Arizona, I would:
-Legalize unexcused absences from class
-Criminalize socks with flip flops
-Bail out my student loans
-Make it a crime to waste a left turn arrow
-Declare cheerleading a sport
-Raise taxes on canines making more than $250,000 a year
-Educate my constituents on the harmful effects of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo"
-Sign the Affordable Care Wardrobe Act, ensuring women of all ages have access to the fabulous fashion they need at a low cost, with prices never ever rising.
Ever.
Including accessories. 
-Mandate husbands across the Nation to quit snoring
-Amend the constitution to explicitly state that Harry Potter will forever, and always, be better than Twilight
-And lastly, excommunicate all things Kardashian

Since I would be president, that makes Nate the First Dude, and my cabinet would be a plethora of people I bet you wish you had in your cabinet: 
Taylor Swift would be my secretary of awesome music;
Chuck Norris would be secretary of defense (duh);
Bill Gates, my treasury secretary (cause I'm pretty sure he's loaded);
Attorney General would go to Judge Judy (duh);
And lastly, my Chief of Staff, naturally, would be Eric Church, since, well...he is the Chief
...which by the way, won Album of the Year at the CMAs. So I got a good feeling he's right in there for Chief of Staff of the Year.

I doubt that anyone will actually secede from the U.S., but in case they do...I'm totally ready.





6 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. making socks and flip flops a criminal offense would be amazing and I would TOTALLY vote for that! you definitely have my vote for president! :)

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  3. This is absolutely hilarious :) thanks for making me laugh! Hahahah!

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  4. Haha I love the name of your new country. And I completely agree with your choice for chief of staff!

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  5. HAHAHAHAH!!! BEST.POST.EVA!!!! I hereby second your notion for slef-nomination, thereby supporting your proposition, and constitutionalizing the Rissa's Territorial Republic of the People's Kingdom of the Democratic States of Arizona!!!! You are hilarious!

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