So Last week I alluded to the fact that I got a new job. I did. And I'm really excited about. But I'm also pretty nervous about it. It's not uncommon for someone to be nervous about a new job, but I'm afraid I take "nervous" to a whole new level. Cause here's the thing, I don't do change well.
Some people welcome change, they thrive on it and constantly seek it out. You tell me things are changing and I get that knot in my stomach, my hands start to get sweaty, and I break out in a heat rash all over my chest and neck. Sidenote, fun fact about Carissa: when I get nervous I get really warm, and when I get really warm I get a heat rash (i.e. red splotches) all over my chest and neck; that's how you can always tell I'm nervous...cause I'm splotchy. Or drunk. Drunk makes me warm and splotchy too.
As I was saying my goodbye's last Friday at my old job and to my now former coworkers, I got really emotional. I cried as we gave hugs and said the things you usually say when you leave a job, and then I cried all the way home from downtown Phoenix to the east valley, and ever since, I've been trying to figure out exactly why this tugs at my heart strings more than any other job I've left.
I've decided it's because there was a safety there, at that job and with my teammates. We started with a group of four of us who were either still in grad school, or fresh out of it. So we were all the same age, all part of this brand new unit, and all learning at the same time. We all grew together at the same time too. It was my first "real" job in the sense that it actually had something to do with my education, my degree, and what I wanted in an actual career. Yet, because of the environment, the nature of the work, and my teammates, in my head I think I still associate it with being in school. Like, these are my classmates and we're working on a group project together and we have homework due at the end of the week. Except now we're getting paid for it. So now that I'm leaving and I have this new job to go to, I almost feel as if I'm entering the "real world" all over again. By myself.
I won't have my buddy with me in the cube next to me anymore, and more importantly, I'm not gonna be able to sign my emails with "Sincerely, your next-cube-neighbor" anymore either.
And what good is a work email without a good pun included??
I'm excited for this new job. I'm excited to develop my career and learn something new. But that's the thing...it's new. New means it's different. Different means things are changing. And change, well, makes me splotchy.
I remember when I was young and I was dreading the transition from jr. high to being a freshman in high school. I was talking to my dad about it in the car one day as we drove past my old school, and how I was scared and how it was gonna be sooooo different. Considering this was a recurring theme (e.g. switching elementary schools in the 4th grade, the transition from elementary school to jr. high, and so on and so forth), my dad only had one piece of advice for me; he just looked at me and said "Rissa, you're a teenager now. It's time to stop being afraid."
I always try and remind myself: Rissa, you're 27 now. It's time to stop being afraid.
It is. But it doesn't make it any less difficult.
After taking this entire week off before I start my new gig on Monday, I'm already feeling refreshed and ready to go. I have no idea what to expect in my new position, I'm just trying to not be afraid. Cause it's time to stop doing that. After all, what you seize is what you get ...pun intended ;)
How do you deal with change? Do you love it? Does it make you uncomfortable?