Let's Talk About Feelings

I’ve started this post a total of four times on four separate occasions over the last three weeks or so.

Each time it began different, continued differently, and was never finished.

Quite frankly, I really just don’t know what to say.

I don’t like to talk about feelings.

Unless its joy, happiness, or love, I don’t even really like to feel feelings.

Sadness, anger, frustration, sorrow, grief – I don’t want to feel those. But who really does? I usually do the best I can to avoid those feelings and I have to say, I’ve gotten pretty good at it.

But something’s happened, and it’s forced me to feel all these things and there’s no avoiding it this time.

I hate to be that person that talks a lot without actually saying anything. The one that tells you all about how upset I am, but not about what’s making me upset.

I am going to be that person though, because I also don’t believe in airing dirty laundry on the internet.

Especially when it’s not my laundry, nor my choices that soiled this perfectly clean load of laundry.

Even if that dirty laundry affects me and my world, it’s still not my place to hang it up on a clothes line for all the internet to see.

And that’s why I haven’t been around here lately.

Because I’m stuck feeling all these things that are breaking my heart, but I can’t come to this space and tell you about it, nor can I come to this space and act like nothing’s happened; there’s enough of that pretending going on already.

I don’t even really like to write about feelings…at least not for publication.

 I’m afraid it looks like a desperate cry for attention. 

I’m afraid this looks like a desperate cry for attention.

It’s not.

I just needed to tell my favorite blog friends why I haven’t been around.

I just needed to get this one post off my chest, for my own sake, before I can continue blogging and trying to be funny or creative or come up with post ideas again.

Because funny, and new ideas, and creativity is far from where my head is at.

Far from where my heart is at.

But my hope is that after I hit “publish,” and this post is out there for all of blog world to see, that I might be able to climb out of this blogging valley and get my inspiration back.

Get my blog back.

Because I miss it.