Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Filibuster Part Deux

If there’s one thing I’m learning about blogging, it’s that I need to be on time.
That is to say, if I have something I want to write about regarding the days’ top headlines, I can’t really do it a week later when no one’s talking about it anymore.

An example that comes to mind is when I had this really fun idea in my head to write about the Puppybowl. Remember? Superbowl, Puppybowl…see I can’t really post about that now if I have to remind everyone about it.

I ran into the same problem last week when I wanted to post about Rand Paul and his 13 hour filibuster on the Senate floor.
Was anyone else following that?
Anyone else watch it live-stream on C-Span?'s ok, I wasn’t really expecting a ‘yes’ on that one.
Surely I didn’t spend 2 hours watching the live-stream on C-Span. I totally have better things to do with my time anyway. And who really watches C-Span?
Definitely not me.

Anyway, Rand Paul talked for 13 hours in an effort to block the confirmation of the Presidents’ pick for CIA Director.
That’s essentially what a good ol’ fashion filibuster is – you talk and you talk and you talk to prevent or delay a vote on something.
So that’s what Senator Paul did.
Except he mostly talked about drones and their potential use on American citizens.

But the point is, he stood and talked for 13 hours.
13 hours.
I freak out when I have to give a 20 minute presentation in class. I’m like, “what the heck am I gonna talk about for a whole twenty minutes?”
But Rand Paul man, he hung around for 13 hours. And the only reason he stopped was 
cause he had to go potty.
True story.

So I got to thinking, really though, what could I possibly talk about for 13 hours?
I might start out with the mere fact that the word ‘filibuster’ reminds me of Dairy Queen.
Wanna know why?
Cause Dairy Queen has Dilly Bars, and they have Buster Bars. And when you put a Dilly Bar and a Buster Bar together, you might call it a ‘Dillybuster’…which is kinda like ‘filibuster.’
See how I got there on that one?

I might also talk about the Sequester. Cause it seems like that’s a hot topic lately.
The verb form of ‘Sequester’ is ‘Sequestration’…which kinda reminds me of castration.
But I feel like talking about castration on the Senate floor might be inappropriate.
So on second thought, maybe I wouldn’t talk about the Sequester.

But I might take my opportunity in the spotlight to discuss the awkwardness of people on cell phones in the restroom, and spread awareness that talking on your cell phone while you’re on the pot creates strong feelings of awkwardness and high levels of discomfort to your stall-mates.
Please. Stop the pot talk.
And then I would have other Senators come to the floor to give testimony on their awkward encounters of people on their cell phones while in the restroom - you know, just to bring some validity to the argument.

After that, I might touch on the drone issue, and how it could actually be a good thing to use drones on the American people. Think about it, if I’m layin’ outside in the summer, in the 100+ degree heat gettin’ my tan on, I just dial up a drone – but instead of being filled with bombs, they’re filled with water. So then they just do a quick fly-over and dump water on me to cool me off. This could be beneficial if you’re laying outside with no access to a pool – or in my case, when you’re laying outside at your parent’s house with a pool, but your dad gets mad when you go in it with your tanning oil on cause it creates a weird oil film thing at the surface of the water.
See? Drones – easy fix.
I’m happy, Dad’s happy.

Lastly, I might read aloud all or a few of the Harry Potter novels. Cause that would take up some serious time, and plus, I think everyone in Congress might be in a better mood if they had more Harry Potter in their life.
Expecto Patronum!

See what I did there? I totally just blogged about what I wanted to blog about last week, even though it’s not really in the news anymore…and you didn’t even realize it.
Go me.



  1. You crack me up!!!! Now I want a dilly bar though..dang it!

  2. This was awesome! Totally had me laughing!



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