October Brain Dump

Yellow! Did anyone else's parents ever answer the phone like that when you were a kid? "Yeh-low?!" Or when they would hang up they'd be like "mmm buh-bye." Like not just "buh-bye" but there'd be the "mmm" in front of it? No? Just my parents?

Anyway - I digress. I was trying to say hello and start this blog post but then I wrote it as "yellow" cause that's how I was saying it in my head and down the rabbit hole I went. So I think this is going to be just a little bit of a brain dump/housekeeping kind of a post because of a few reasons:

1.) I am in a writing mood

2.) I got a new computer and wanted to play on it so typey type type away I go

3.) I am procrastinating finishing a vampire book I'm reading because I'm pretty sure something bad is about to happen and I dunno if I'm ready for it. That and plus it's night time now which means I REALLY can't read it right? Silly me was like oooooh October! Halloween! Spooky season! You should try and read some spooky books! Who exactly did I think I was? Brave? So blogging it is for tonight. 

Let's talk about that actually - blogging. You will probably notice that this blog, is a rickety, old, very old blog. Sometimes images don't load, some content is missing from the tabs on my home page, sometimes instead of the actual header image you'll instead get a little Photobucket image (lol remember Photobucket?), and things of that nature. That is because this blog is old and I have made zero effort to update it. Oops. 

At first, that was because for a few years I was rarely posting on here and didn't really feel the need to update it. But lately, I've really been thinking a lot about writing and blogging and craving what it used to be. Craving to have a little space online where I can ramble on about things I love and talk about them with other people who also love those same things and just be dumb and silly and creative whenever I want to be. So I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm making plans for this blog. So far, they are:

1.) Posting at least once per week, ultimately I'd like to have two blog posts per week. Too ambitious? We'll find out.

2.) Move this blog over to Wordpress and redesign. The time suck on this one is that I want allllll my posts I've ever written to come with me to the new platform. Which means me, manually copy and pasting over all the hundreds of blog posts I've written over the last nine years. You can guess why that would be taking me FOR.EH.VERRR (in my best Sandlot voice). So in the meanwhile, thank you for your patience in dealing with this rickety old blog. 

3.) Lol I thought I had more plans which is why I started a numbered list but I guess these two are the gist of it 😆. 

So the hope in talking about this is not only to let you, reader, know what I'm working on and have planned, but also to hold myself accountable. I am fairly good at planning things but executing said things is where I typically fail. But fail here I shall not! I can't and I shan't! 

In other news - the high today in Arizona was 67 degrees and I shit you not I thought I was going to freeze. Sidenote - I used to think "I shit you not" was a crude and vulgar and unnecessary turn of phrase but now I think it's kind of funny. It's funny right?

Also, I need you all to know that in the event we might pull up to a 4-way stop sign at the same time, I AM THAT PERSON that will accidentally start going at the same time as you and then we'll both be like "You go. No you go! Ooop you go! No ok you go!" for literally the next hour. I am the absolute worst at this I don't know why and I don't know how to fix it. I am truly sorry.

Other things:
1.) Did y'all watch Emily in Paris on Netflix? I did and I THOROUGHLY enjoyed it and I don't know why this was such a controversial show. Is it because it was cheesy?? I love cheese.

2.) Did ya'll listen to Kelsea Ballerini's Ballerini album? It's the acoustic version of Kelsea that came out in March and WE STAN.

3.) Did ya'll see that Mina Lima, graphic designers of all eight Harry Potter movies released an illustrated edition of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone? IT.IS.STUNNING.

4.) My friend Brianna started an Etsy shop and you should check it out HERE, and my friend Kayla started an Etsy shop you should check that out HERE. 

So if you've made it this far, as always - you da bomb. Thanks for reading and thanks for your patience as I get my blog legs back under me! 

It's OK to Talk About Fun Things on the Internet

This blog post is brought to you by this Pinterest inspiration:

I can confirm that I have gotten up, cleared my desk, tied my hair, and I am just starting. This is me just starting.

I've been wanting to come back to this blog for a while now but various things have been holding me back at different points between the time of May - my last post, and now. I even wrote an entire summer recap and just never hit publish. There were the usual roadblocks - things like: nobody blogs anymore anyway who cares, nobody reads my posts anyway who cares (except mom - hi mom!), I'd rather read a book, I have no post ideas, blah blah. But then there were other things like, an ongoing worldwide pandemic, societal unrest, riots, political campaigns, and things of the like. Anywhere I looked on social media, it was these things. Which is understandable - many people want to talk about what's going on in the world and advocate for their causes and things they feel passionately about. I understand that. 

The internet has just never been the place for me to do that, personally. 

So I didn't know if, given the times, I could pop into this rickety old blog and say hi and talk about how I started watching Gossip Girl for the first time, or Taylor Swift's new album, while everyone else on the internet was discussing their perceived injustices of the world. Will that make me look insensitive? I wasn't sure.

But the the other night I was cruising the Twitterverse and someone I follow tweeted out this article titled, "The Era of Influencer's Being Apolitical Online is over." I clicked it, read it, and have been thinking about it ever since. And I decided this is what I'm gonna write a blog post about.

The article argues that the era of online influencers remaining apolitical and keeping politics and current issues out of the realm of their content, is no longer acceptable. 

That, "Influencers who continue to post their usual content without acknowledging the realities of this country face the risk of appearing so laughably out of touch that it renders anything else they have to say irrelevant." 

It continues, 

"As we get closer and closer to Nov. 3, an influencer who remains silent about one of the most consequential US elections in history may risk alienating and angering their followers in such a deep way that it would be impossible to recover from."

So like I said, I have been thinking about this article ever since I read it. Some people may subscribe to this line of thinking and that's cool, but I decided that I do not. In fact, I wholeheartedly reject this line of thinking. I reject it for a few reasons.

Firstly, as a content consumer - the people I subscribe to and follow, they don't owe me their political views. They don't owe me anything. There is now somehow a sense of entitlement on our part, to the political views of our favorite athletes, actresses, and celebrities. Many people demanding they speak up and speak out. Why? This bothers me because I don't think the demand is genuine. I don't think most people are genuinely interested in what point of view their favorite Youtuber or celebrity may have - I think they're interested in making sure they hold the "correct" point of view. That they vote for the "correct" candidate. Imagine if after all these years of folks demanding Taylor Swift speak out and take a political stance, that she endorsed a Republican candidate for office? 

Secondly, the more and more politics invades our previously shared spaces, the less we have in common with each other. Sports, music, television shows, our workplaces, Goya foods, Nike...hell, the National Anthem itself - all of these things and more, no matter how big or small, have become politicized. What can we share in anymore, as Americans? What can bring us together? By requiring everyone to speak out politically and "take a side"...means everyone has now taken a side and we are by very definition - divided. Is that what we want?

And lastly, if we're constantly requiring influencers, celebrities, and athletes to comment on and speak about the latest crises of the day, then we're only ever consuming the latest crises of the day. An entire days worth of our social media feeds just politics, fear, crisis, more politics, more hysteria...day after day after day. Is that good for us? Surely not. 

Now, I am not in fact an apolitical person. I have very strong opinions about politics and the current issues of the day and I certainly have those conversations offline. But this blog, in the nine years I've had it, has never been a place for those discussions. 

I understand the immense value that the internet gives us as a tool to organize, spread awareness, create community and engage in dialogue for the causes we're passionate about, and oftentimes I have participated in some of them. I respect those who do use their platforms for these things. 

But I also think it's ok to spend time participating in the things we love, the things that we enjoy and make us happy. Take a break from the hysteria. The fear and anxiety that is in the news and your social media feeds day in and day out. I don't think it makes anyone "laughably out of touch" to want to talk about fun things on the internet. That's what I want to do. I want to get on the internet and find people who want to talk about books and Real Housewives and Harry Potter and laugh at funny dog memes and theorize about Taylor Swift lyrics. And if not, at the very least maybe find people who don't mind reading my writing about all these things. 😉

So anyway, if you made it this far - you are a champ and I thank you and I hope you want to stick around and talk about fun things because that's the plan. And I think that's ok.

What's on My Playlist (and perhaps should maybe also be on yours if you're interested)

No one: ...

Absolutely nobody: ....

Me: Hey guys wanna see what songs are on my playlist right now?!

That is the essence of this post but you know what? It's fine, nobody asked for this but that's ok because I have recently come upon some really good jams and felt compelled to share them with the class anyway because I don't know about you all but I love finding new music. Shout out to Spotify which I'm just gonna come out and say - is far superior to Apple Music and that is a hill that I'm willing die on.

Disclaimer: I realize some of these songs aren't new, but they are new to me. So yeah. There's that.

For a healthy dose of nostalgia:

• Young & Alive by Bazzi - I am sucker for good lyrics and "Riding my bike like I'm too young to drive, careless and free like it's 2005" hits me right in the feels, you know?
• The Other Girl by Kelsea Ballerini featuring Halsey - serious The Boy is Mine vibes and I am here for it. 

Love-ish songs:

• Slow Dance by AJ Mitchell and Ava Max - I just wanna know will you slow dance?
• Body on Fire by Maggie Rose 
• Me Because of You by HRVY - also, while you're at it, check out this acoustic/Gospel version of this song
• Almost (Sweet Music) by Hozier - the holy grail on my playlist right now. Obsessed with this song.
• Shut Up by Greyson Chance

The category is Sad Songs that Still Somehow Make You Want to Bop Around, for $400. What is:

• F***, I'm Lonely by Lauv, featuring Anne-Marie - our Quarantine anthem?
• Phases by PRETTYMUCH
• Sleepless Nights by ayokay, featuring Nightly
• Casualty by Lawrence 
• Problems by Arizona 

A good breakup song or two to keep us humble:

• Momma's House by Dustin Lynch
• Boys by Muscadine Bloodline

For a good time call:

• I Feel Good About This by The Mowgli's
• Keep it Simple by Matoma and Petey, featuring Wilder Woods - if when you listen to this song your first thought is WHERE do I know that voice from?? It's because Wilder Woods is Bear Rinehart, lead singer of Needtobreathe which means we have no choice but to stan.
• Good Day by Nappy Roots

What's on your playlist?!

Here Lies Lover Fest 2020

Here lies Lover Fest 2020. How many days have we spent thinking about how this Corona Virus has done us wrong? We've lived in the shade it's been throwing until all of our sunshine was gone. It's a Cruel Summer when the one thing we've been looking forward to all year is cancelled. Ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard? 

Loyal Swifties stood in virtual lines for hours upon hours last fall to secure tickets to Lover Fest and just like that, it's cancelled. We were crazy to think in these Corona times, crazy to think that this could work remember how we said we'd die for tickets? And then the news came on a Friday and now we wake in the night and pace like a ghost; the room is on fire, invisible smoke. We said we're fine but it wasn't true. Because the hope and promise of a mass gathering of Swifties simultaneously screaming at the top of our lungs, "HE LOOKS UP GRINNING LIKE A DEVIL!" suddenly taken from us, feels like death by a thousand cuts. We get drunk but it's not enough because when the morning comes, Lover Fest isn't on our calendars anymore. 

So what do we do? We ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright (they said 'I don't know'). And now all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put us back together again, because despite the lock downs and the isolation, we hoped we'd never lose this, we hoped it wouldn't end because this is the kind of heartbreak that time can never mend. The 'Rona has sent us a clear message, taught us some hard lessons. I just forget what they were because these quarantimes are all just a blur. 

So Taylor, kiss us once 'cause you know we've had a long night. Kiss us twice and tell us it's gonna be alright. Three times because we've waited our whole lives for Lover Fest. We've loved your album two summers now but Tay Tay, we want them all.

2021 will be a fresh page on the desk, we'll be filling in the rescheduled Lover Fest date as we go (Taylor's easter eggs likely pointing in the shape of an arrowhead as if leading us home). So we'll meet you in the afterglow of these Corona times, Taylor. There'll be light pink skies up on the roof, the sun will sink down and we'll all have no curfew. The ultraviolet morning light will tell us that Lover Fest was worth the fight. We'll step into the daylight and let the 'Rona go. ...And maybe we can even go driving in, on my scooter, ah you know, just 'round London?

In paper rings, in picture frames, in all our dreams,

All faithful Swifties everywhere 

Quaranthings

Admittedly, one of my favorite things about quarantine is is putting "quaran" in front of any word I want in order to make it quarantine conducive. This post for example, are things that are getting me through this quarantine - thus, quaranthings. My mom's birthday was on Friday which makes her a birthday quaranqueen. Quarantine in general, is a larger sign of these quarantimes. And so on and so forth.

So anyway, we are going on six weeks now since I have been banished from my beloved cubicle with a window view at my office, and sent to work from home. In that time states and the Nation as a whole have also locked down. These are the things getting me through these challenging quarantimes.

1.) Tiger King

Obviously. I actually only started watching this because EVERYONE was talking about it and I wanted to be able to participate and laugh along with the class. I made Nate watch it with me and we've been trading Tiger Kings memes back and forth ever since. If there is truly a light in these dark quarantimes, it's Tiger King. America thanks you, Netflix.

2.) Kelsea Ballerini's new album

I'm sure she did not do this on purpose but like, this is kind of the perfect quarantine album. Most of these quarantunes are a really nice mid tempo (with a few slow songs peppered in) that are perfect for like, doing the dishes, cleaning up around the house, writing in your bullet journal, and just generally winding down before you get ready for bed. Current favs: the other girl (with Halsey), love and hate, and needy

3.) The Morning Toast

I have followed Girl With No Job on Instagram for a while now because I think she's really funny, so I knew she had a morning show podcast with one of her sisters but I just never tuned in because it didn't peak my interest. But you know, now since we are living in quarantimes and we are looking for anything and everything to break up the monotony I randomly decided one morning to watch an episode.

It's "a morning show for millennials" that covers a handful of the top news stories in pop culture each day. I don't typically tune in to pop culture shows because it usually also has a political leaning and/or agenda - which is annoying and I'm not down for that. But I found that The Morning Toast for the most part, really and truly is purely pop culture. I love both Claudia and Jackie and their banter is so funny and entertaining. The Morning Toast is available as a podcast but they also do a live stream every morning on Youtube. It's now a morning routine for me to turn on The Morning Toast while I log onto work, check my email, and get my day started.

So for the next few items, one night I was by myself, feeling very ugly and down on the quarantine version of myself that hadn't left my house in seven days, and I googled something like, "self-care products for quarantine" and I found an article about all the cult favorite beauty products on Amazon. I threw caution to the wind and hit that "add to cart" button on a handful of items. These are those items.

4.) This face mask

I am way late to this trend but I am here to tell you this face mask is everything. I hesitated trying it months (years?) ago when it first came out and was super trendy because based on the reviews it was either a miracle worker or turned your face into a war zone. With sensitive skin, was I very afraid of the latter. I've used it three times now and so far I am loving it and it hasn't broken me out. You have the option to mix it with water or apple cider vinegar (ACV) and I went with the ACV. Does it smell like feet when you first put it on your face? Yes. Is the result worth it? Also yes.

5.) This facial spray 

This is also a trend I am late to, that I'm really regretting. It's a facial spray that you can use anywhere, anytime, and it's supposed to hydrate, calm, and refresh your skin all while giving you a dewey glow. Does it do all of those things? I think so? But more importantly this SMELLS like the most beautiful garden of flowers sent from above from the Lord himself, that you have ever smelled in real life and even perhaps in your dreams. It smells HEAVENLY and I spray it on my face three times a day for that very reason. I am gonna use this all summer long and now that I have experienced the Mario Badescu Facial Spray there is no going back. Bonus: a big 8 oz. bottle is only $12.

6.) This eyebrow and eyelash growth serum

Do I have any evidence yet of this actually working? No - it's only been three weeks. Do I care at this point? Also no because it makes me feel pretty and productive and like I am actually putting forth effort into my appearance and that I will emerge from this quarantine with full and lush brows and lashes. That's the hope. Also I can attest - this serum does not irritate my skin or eyes. I was worried based on some reviews of other serums that it would, but this one does not so I am pleased about that. 

7.) This self tanning lotion

Ok so this is not a new discovery but rather, a tried and true self tanning soldier that never lets me down. I don't usually break it out this early in the year however, but again - in these quarantimes when we haven't left our homes and we are feeling less than beautiful - a good tan can quickly remedy that. You don't have to do anything special with this one - just apply it as your everyday moisturizer and watch your beautiful faux tan flourish. You will emerge from The Q looking like the sun-kissed goddess we all should've been this spring. 

What things have been carrying you through these quarantimes?! Share with the class so we can all try them out! 😌

O.W.L's Magical Readathon 2020: TBR

Firstly, I just want to start this post off by letting you know, in case you don't, that "TBR" stands for To Be Read. It is a list of books that you intend to read. Thus, "To Be Read." It took me a good year of following various people/accounts/channels in the Bookish community on social media to realize this, so I'll save you the trouble and just come out and say that right now. You're welcome.

So anyway, if you are into books, reading, Harry Potter, or any combination thereof, this post is for you my friend!

Last year while perusing the inter webs I discovered G who runs Book Roast over on YouTube. With it, I learned about the the annual Magical Readathon she hosts that's based on the Ordinary Wizarding Level examinations (O.W.L) that students take in their fifth year at Hogwarts. This is a thing that happens in book 5 of the Harry Potter series but you don't have to be a Potterhead to follow along in this readathon. The purpose of this blog post is to share with you my TBR for this year's readathon! But before I do, here's how the readathon works: It's kind of hard to explain but I'm gonna do my best and include some links for you (that probably explain it way better than I do) in 3...2...1...

Hogwarts students take their OWL exams in order to determine what career path they'd like to pursue after they graduate. The career path you intend to pursue as a young witch or wizard, depends on how many/what OWL's you may need to take. So, in the fictional story of Harry Potter one subject = one OWL exam (e.g. Potions). For the purposes of this readathon in the real world, one book = one reading prompt (e.g. read a book with a white cover).

Check out the original OWL's announcement here:


Check out this year's OWL's announcement here:

Now, find the Wizarding Career Guide HERE
Next, find the OWL's letter and reading prompts HERE

You can follow along this readathon a couple different ways:
1.) Pick a Wizarding Career and you'll follow the prompts that are required for that career, or
2.) Don't use the Wizarding Career Guide at all and just look at the reading prompts, find some that sound like fun to you and go with those!

I've chose to go with the former and pick a career out of the guide - Wandmaker!

In order to become a Wandmaker I need to pass the following OWL's:

• Ancient Runes
• Arithmancy
• Care of Magical Creatures
• Charms
• Herbology

So for Ancient Runes the prompt is: heart rune - heart on the cover or in the title. I've chosen to read "Love and Other Words" by Christina Lauren

Y'all know I love a good love story (if you don't now you do), and I've read a couple other books by this author and I really enjoyed them both! I got this one for my birthday last month so thank you, past Rissa, for picking out a book that fits a Magical Readathon prompt. Present Rissa thanks you.

Arithmancy: read something outside your favorite genre. I've chosen "The Ten Thousand Doors of January" by Alix E. Harrow

I picked this book out with Christmas money back in December for a couple reasons: firstly, HOW PRETTY IS THIS COVER? And secondly, this book was getting good reviews on social media so I thought yolo let's give 'er a read. My favorite genre is typically a contemporary rom-com (you can judge me for that, it's fine) so this fantasy book is definitely outside of that!

Care of Magical Creatures: creature with a beak on the cover. Because this is a Harry Potter themed readathon (but mostly because I had a reeeaaaalllly hard time finding a book with a beak on the cover that sounded good to me), for this prompt I'm going to read "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" by J.K. Rowling.

Beak on the cover. My favorite Harry Potter Book of them all. Boom. Done.

Charms: white cover. "One of Us is Lying" by Karen M. McManus

This is a YA (Young Adult) murder mystery that I keep hearing people talk about and that I really want to check out but does it have a completely all white cover? No. Does it have a mostly white cover - enough that I can fit it into this prompt? Yes. I checked with the overlords of the readathon rules and they said it's fine. Also Abigail's Cup of Tea is also using it for this prompt and I am nothing if not a follower so yay for that.

Herbology: title that starts with an M. I'm going with "Maybe in Another Life" by Taylor Jenkins Reid.

I haven't yet read a book by this author but I have only ever heard raving reviews. Taylor Jenkins Reid wrote Daisy Jones and the Six, and also The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - two little ditties that were massively successful that you may or may not have heard of. Neither of those start with an M though, so this one had good reviews on GoodReads and I liked the synopsis so I'm gonna buckle up and board the Taylor Jenkins Reid train and hope I love it as much as everyone else!

So at the end of all this readathon do I win a prize or do I actually become a Wandmaker you might be asking? No. I don't. And neither do you should you participate. It's all just for fun. But that's the thing - it is freakin' fun and it's totally free and G spends SO. MUCH. TIME. and energy putting all of this together for us. The Career Guide, the prompts all the extra resources - she puts all of this together just for us at no cost.

There's a spreadsheet for buddy reading HERE, there's a spreadsheet for book recommendations if you're stuck on a prompt HERE, there's a form for giving book recommendations HERE, there's even a master spreadsheet (HERE) to log/view when you've finished a book so we can keep track of how many pages alllll of us have read at the end of it. I meeaaannnn, fun right?!

So anyway, if you made this far - you're a champ and I am long winded so sorry about that. This is the first time I've done a TBR post...or any bookish post really, so let me know if you liked it or wouldn't mind seeing more of them! The OWL's start April 1st and last the whole month long! See you at Hogwarts! 

Someday I Will: Part II

You'll notice the title of this post indicates this is a part II - you might be wondering where part I is? Well, let me direct you, many many moons ago in 2013 to when The Daily Tay hosted a little 'ol link party (remember those?), and we all wrote about the things we would accomplish someday. Find my list HERE.

Sometimes, when I can't think of anything to blog about, I cruise my old blog posts to try and find inspiration. This is a good and bad idea for two reasons: 1.) Sometimes it works and I do actually find inspiration, and 2.) Sometimes it doesn't and I walk away from my computer, sad and defeated, wondering to myself how I was EVER that creative and thought of THAT many things to write about.

This is what was happening this Sunday afternoon when lucky for me I stumbled upon this post from 2013. So, let's revisit the things I said would someday happen and see if I have made any of them come true, seven years later.

2013 Carissa, some day she would:

Finish a bottle of shampoo, or tube of mascara

I hate to make the effort to scrape out the last bits, so I always just move on to the next bottle.

Too much work.

Can confirm: still true in 2020

Stop using the word 'commercialing'

My mom tells me it's not a real word, but I just don't believe it quite yet.

Ok so I understand this is not a real word - like, I can't deny it anymore but have I stopped using it? No. 

Be able to swallow a pill without gagging.

I swear I'm 26.

'Bout to turn 33 and this is still a problem. I'm better if it's tablets but like, any type of herbal anything in a capsule is troublesome because they float to the roof of your mouth and then you can feel them and it's all downhill from there.

Tell the server my order is wrong

I hate confrontation, so in the meantime I'll just eat this hamburger with the mustard on it anyway.

In 2020 it totally depends on the situation and how confident I'm feeling that day. Dunkin Donuts has messed up my coffee order SO. MANY. TIMES. that I feel pretty comfortable returning it to the barista and kindly reminding them that what they handed me is literally not even remotely close to what I actually ordered. I'm lying actually, it's usually just me being like "umm hi yes actually I think umm maybe perhaps this might not be almond milk could you maybe just like, double check that for me I'm so sorry."

Quit biting my nails

Unlikely, but maybe.

I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never not bite my nails. 

Be right and my husband will be wrong.

It has to happen at some point in our lives right?

Nate tried telling me once that you cast a "PatronUM." I said no, you cast a "PatronUS" by using the spell "Expecto Patronum." And obviously I was right because I am always right about Harry Potter things. 

Remember how to spell 'definitely' without spell-check fixing it for me every time

"Definitely" is still problematic in 2020.

Find a pillow that doesn't hurt my neck or give me a pillow headache every morning

Ok I think I have finally succeeded. I HAVE THIS. I have a comfortable pillow, you guys. HOORAY for progress!

Take a selfie

I just can't get past the awkwardness yet.

I don't post selfies for the public because that still feels very awkward but I do however, send lots of selfies via snapchat or text messaging to friends and family. It's typically a selfie of me making an inquisitive face, asking the recipient if it's too early to drink wine.

Learn HTML

Nope

Have a clear vision and direction for my life plan

For now I'm still just trying to find the free food, and use my Student ID for as long as I can. 

I mean, I have a steady job and I'm very comfortable with the state of my life in my thirties but free food is always going to be a priority. Student ID still sitting comfortably in my wallet, on deck and ready for action when called upon.

I should've known back in 2013 that most of these things were part of my DNA and there would be no overcoming them. I set myself up for failure, really. But hey, at least now I don't wake up with pillow headaches.