Thursday, November 8, 2012

Not Another Election Post

...I know that's what you're thinking...and it kind of is another election post.
 But stay with me on this one cause I think it's gonna be good.

Now that (unfortunately) Romney lost his bid for the Presidency, it's time for all the talking heads to sit back, analyze, and figure out who's fault it is that Romney didn't win. It's Romney's fault, it's the GOP's fault, and of course when all else fails...blame Bush.

BUT, I think I have the answer as to why Romney didn't win on Tuesday.

It's cause he wasn't running with me.
No offense Paul, you're super smart and everything...and word on the street is you're pretty buff...and part of me wants to see you with your shirt off...but I digress.

A Romney-Rissa ticket would've been a sure thing.
Easy- peasy.
A guaranteed win.

Think about it:
-Romney could keep the same logo since we both have the whole "R" thing going on.
-I almost have a Master's degree and I've interned for a congressman before, which totally qualifies me to be the Vice President.
-I always say please and thank you, pretty convincingly I might add, so when we go to battle ground states like Ohio and Florida, all I would have to do is nicely ask for your vote and people would be like, "Well since you asked so politely..."
-I'm a poor college student, which totally balances out the whole Romney-is-a-freakin'-gazillionaire thing people had a hard time getting over.
-I've been on two cruises that sailed out of Florida. So I've been there twice, and now I totally understand the needs of the voters.
-There's tons of fundraising resources that went un-tapped since I wasn't on the ticket this election. For example: super PAC Women for Puppies and Harry Potter.
They're pretty rich...and magical.
And since Romney's not a woman, and there was that whole thing about a dog on top of his car, if it weren't for me, Romney would've totally missed out on their donations...and magic.
People were concerned about voter fraud...think about what having Harry Potter on your side could do.
Just sayin'.
-I know all the words to "Call Me Maybe" and "Bringin' Sexy Back," which totally ups the cool factor Romney was having a hard time with.
-I feel like it might be hard for foreign dictators to argue with a face like this
So I'm almost positive we would always get what we want.
-We could have a campaign mascot in Gunther or Maycee
-And lastly, I have really good jokes. And I feel like Mitt is the kinda guy that would enjoy a good joke, which would make for travel time in the campaign bus that much better.

I know we've got a while to go until the next election, so Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Mitch Daniels, and all you up-and-comers...I'm talkin' to you.
I'm gonna have my Master's degree here shortly and I'm gonna need a job.
Just sayin'.


  1. This is an amazing post! Soo freaking funny. I too, am sad that Romney lost. Hope you have a great weekend!

  2. haha such a cute post! I'd totally vote for you!!



design + development by Strawberries and Wine