College Football Twitter is the Best Kind of Twitter

Twitter can be a God-forsaken land full of bickering, fighting, woke millenials offended at the mere breath you breathe, annoying virtue-signaling celebrities, and political talking heads disguised as journalists. And also bickering - I can't remember if I included that. But you know what Twitter also has? Memes. And really funny people. And College football Twitter, I am convinced, has the most of those.

I joined Twitter back in 2012 at first, for blogging. All the big bloggers were like hey you need a Twitter to promote your blog and talk to other bloggers, and meet other bloggers, and get lots of followers! Not one prone to challenge authority I was like OK! Blogger Twitter got pretty boring fairly quickly and then I realized I could start following my favorite sports teams. And the reporters who covered them. And the beat writers who wrote about them. And the super fans who tweeted about them all the time. The most entertaining of these, was college football Twitter.

SO, all that to say - now that college football is BACK (hallelujer!), here are six of my favorite things about college football Twitter:

1.) Surrender Cobras. Surrender Cobra made it's official debut into Grantland's College Football Dictionary back in 2013, defined as: "(n.) the pose frequently adopted by fans witnessing unfortunate sports happenings, characterized by clasping hands on top of head as though one is under arrest and a slow, tense exhale of breath."

2.) Anything Jim Harbaugh. I am not a Michigan fan, but this man fascinates me. He recently told his players not to eat chicken because "it's a nervous bird." He's also down for Judge Judy:

Someone on Twitter recently said they'd pay big money to see Jim Harbaugh and Zack Greinke interview each other. I could not agree with this more.

3.) Rivalry pettiness. If there is one thing that keeps my bones cool in the summer and warm in the winter, it's petty rivalry nonsense.

Source

4.) Faux Pelini. Faux Pelini was the fake Bo Pelini - parody account of the former Nebraska head coach. I am also not a Nebraska fan but this account and whoever runs it is absolutely hilarious. Please read his Twitter letter to Mike Riley after being fired, for example. Also, any thread between Faux and the Belk Bowl is must see TV Twitter. You can start with this one.

5.) #PAC12afterdark. "PAC12 after dark" became a thing when weird things started happening in the PAC12 during late games - late for the rest of the country anyway (west coast best coast!). Triple overtimes, bizarre calls by refs, anything your heart desires - it can happen during PAC12 after dark.

It's been described as: "It occurs often, but is largely misunderstood by the population that sees it most closely. In person and on TV, it’s a beautiful mess of Hail Marys and 80-point football games that only come out when the sun goes down. When you feel the urge to go to bed, the PAC is just getting started, people!

6.) Herman Edwards. This man is a walking meme. Non-stop entertainment. And CFB Twitter is running with, and I am here for it. Please watch this video someone made to the The Office intro music when he first got hired. Bonus - we've won both games played so far this year so we're still undefeated and Herm Edwards has a 1.000 NCAA career winning percentage whereas Nick Saban has a winning percentage of .780 so basically we want 'Bama (JK no we don't it's only been two games but please let us have this moment)

College football fans (particularly the ones on Twitter) are just really funny and every week I am amazed at their creativity - the memes, the gifs, the insults, the trash talk. Keep it up, college football fam - Twitter is a better place because of you.

July: A Blog Post

If Arizona summers are a marathon, July brings us to about like, the 13 mile marker I would say. We're halfway through the true summer months (and by 'true' I mean what I've made up in my head) of June, July, and August, and all the months ending in "ber" are so close yet so far.

I spent the month of July: 

...Sporting the red, white, and blue for my favorite holiday and the most important birthday there ever was (besides Jesus of course) - America. I hung out with Maycee, my mom, and my dad all day in the pool and we partied it up like we always do. You hung out with your dog and your parents you might be asking? Yes. Yes I did, because we go hard on the 4th of July and make patriotic looking flatbread pizza things and wear matching beads ok? We're wild and that's the way we like it.

...Hanging out at the Rim. The Mogollon Rim area is one of my absolute favorite places to be during the summer. I love the country and also the temperatures:

SIXTY EIGHT DEGREES in the dead of July.

I also love this smile, look at Nate cheesin'

Swimming. And GoPro-ing while we're at it because I don't care how old you get, underwater pictures will always be funnest (is that a word I dunno but I'm rolling with it).

Drinking wine and eating bruschetta boards with old friends. Our own bruschetta boards because Postinos bruschetta is delicious and quite frankly sometimes you just want a whole board to yourself. We understand each other, you know.

Finding elk just before the sun goes down.

Exploring Palm Springs. My girlfriend Jennica and I spent a long weekend in Palm Springs which is likely to show up in its own post later on so here were the high points:
Salvation Mountain (this actually isn't in Palm Springs, it's on the way-ish in the middle of absolutely nowhere...so naturally we had to stop).

Photo Cred

My first ever spa experience (hot stone massage for the win how have I gone 31 years without patronizing a spa)

Pool. Freakin. Time.

Photo Cred

Palm Springs Aerial Tramway that takes you allllllll the way up to the top of the San Jacinto Mountains

Joshua Tree National Park

Photo Cred

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I don't love the often-times unbearable heat of the summer, but I love summer time. The activities. The pool. The weekend getaways. July is in the heart of summer time and I can't complain about 2018's July. 

A Mid-Summer Night's Brain Dump

Hello friends! This post is about to be a brain dump because that's the kind of mood I'm in.

I just want to start out by telling you all an experience that I'm having at work. A couple months back I ran into this lady on my way to use the restroom. She complimented me and told me how young I look so I said, "oh thank you." And then she goes, "no really, you don't look old enough to work here. Does your mom know you have this job?" as she laughed to herself. Not really sure what to do with that so I just fake laughed back at her. You guys, I have ran into this lady at work a total of three times since this initial interaction and every.single.time she sees me she carries on about how young I look. I was trying to heat up my lunch at the microwaves one day and she saw me and goes, "ooooh! I know you! You're the little girl that looks like she shouldn't be working here! Did you talk to your mom yet?! Does she know you have this job?!" I know sometimes I can be dramatic on this blog but I shit you not these words came out of her mouth. Another time I ran into her, "You know they have laws to protect kids like you from working!" I can't tell if she thinks she's being funny or is legit making fun of me. Like, we all want to look young but not, "does-your-mom-know-you-work-here" young, so I'm just not really sure what to do with her. My coworkers told me next time she asks me if my mom knows I'm working, I should ask her if her nursing home knows she's out. Seriously contemplating this.

Nate and I had a discussion the other day and I need you all to tell me I'm not crazy (i.e. take my side pls thx). There's an old Jason Aldean song with a lyric in it that says, "I'm torn and it's tearing me apart I want to go but I don't want to break her heart." Here's my beef: if he's torn, it can't be tearing him apart because it's already happened - hence, the past tense. He uses the past tense first, and then uses active voice indicating the tearing is happening right now, even though he already said he's torn. You can't declare yourself already torn and then say yeah but it's tearing me apart. It can't if you're already torn. You feel me?

Also, it's hot outside I just felt like that needed to be said.

I have questions about Instagram stories. Mostly, should I start using it? I used to be team Snapchat all the way because I only have a handful of friends on there and I always sort of felt like that was my safe space to be annoying and unruly and drunk-ish without being judged. Can you be unruly on Instagram stories or are your stories supposed to be as perfectly curated as your feed? Do I have to have makeup on for Instagram stories? I have dabbled a couple times in using it - mostly for promoting ("promoting" LOL) my blog posts when I have a new one up, and to make fun of Gunther when he wears the cone of shame. So anyway, if you answered yes to this question I'm probs also gonna need a tutorial because quite frankly, there's too many options for Instagram stories (point: Snapchat).

Speaking of Instagram - I realize I'm way late to this party but I recently started following Girl With No Job and I find her absolutely hysterical.

And now for the "Did You Know?" segment of this brain dump. Did You Know?
-It's not Postino's, it's just Postino. Singular. I did not know this but after this weekend now I do.
-It's not Joanne's Fabrics, it's Joanne Fabrics. Singular. I did know this and I'm telling you about it so that I can look smart.
-Taylor Swift was spotted going to a studio in NYC last week and leaving 12 hours later, and the next day she wore sunglasses in the shape of a heptagon, which has seven sides, which obviously means she was recording her 7th studio album. Obviously.

So anyway, please enjoy this meme while I end this blog post.

June: A Blog Post

Hello,

I hope this blog post finds you well. Please find below, June things in list(ish) form because I'm having difficulty finding a good way to start out, and complete this post. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thank you,
T is for Townsend

Baseball
At: Friday's Front Row (first timer sitting at a patio table!)
For: Sarah's sister Erica's birthday (Hiiii Sarah and Erica!)

Baby shower

For: Brianna's baby Carsyn coming soon to a world near you (i.e. this one)

Prizes won: None. Turns out I am not good at baby shower games and also need to pay closer attention to the directions included in the invitation.

Yay blog friends having babies!

Father's Day

For: Fathers (although we only celebrated mine I dunno what you all did for Father's day)

Gifts received: a mini foosball table and a t-shirt that reads "Thermostat Police" because what dad isn't overly protective of the thermostat and has a borderline coniption when you adjust it by two degrees? 

He's smiling because the accuracy is hitting him hard.

Birthday

Who: Nathan Townsend

Celebration had: sleeping (graveyards, man) and birthday dinner at Macayo's

Rounds of ammo received: 1,000

Please enjoy this time lapse of the birthday boy:

Same Nate, bigger fish.

Weekend Getaway

Where: Cottonwood (We love small desert towns)

What: Wine tasting

Attire: Matching shirts that read "Drinks well with others." Is there a festival going on, you might ask? No. Is this a bachelorette party, perhaps? No. Do we just like to wear matching shirts for the hell of it? Yes. Yes we do. 

Weather

Temperature: HAWT

Solution for said temperatures: umbrella hats and spray fans...my coworkers and I are the best damn looking team you've ever seen don't lie to yourself

Other June Notables:

Paul Goldschmidt was awoken from his apparent slumber and won NL Player of the Month for June. He hit like .999 with a bajillion home runs and hundreds of RBI's. If you're asking yourself, "that's not actually possible right?" I'm here to tell you it is because Goldy is America's First Baseman and he is not bound by your mathematics.  

The Suns drafted Deandre Ayton as the NUMBER ONE pick in the draft and it really feels like maybe just maybe possibly maybe the pendulum is swinging our way now. Life has been rough as a Suns fan sometimes. 

My house got painted. Not by my own accord but rather, mandated by my communist HOA who thinks they can just send me a letter in the mail all willy nilly and require me to spend a bunch of money and paint my house. Last I checked this is America and we're a free people and this is a violation of my rights. (I understand that's not how this works but it's just really what I feel in my heart so let me have this one mmk?). Also, please look at how cute my dog is:

We're a week into July but my OCD tells me I can't blog July things until I recap June things so if you're still reading this - thank you for your patience as I try and fail to post monthly recaps on time. 

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thank you,

March Madness in June - Disney Edition

So earlier this year ("earlier this year" LOL see how behind I am on blogging things?) I happened upon a Twitter thread whereupon a dude filled out a bracket of Disney/Pixar movies and it went viral. Mostly because of how wrong it is. Take a look:

Source

You can't look at this bracket and tell me it's right. I mean, the guy picked Tangled over Lion King. TANGLED over THE Lion King. In what universe??

So anyway, to make a long story short, there was lots of spirited, funny, and highly entertaining discussion around his bracket and due to popular demand, someone ended up making a full seeded Disney/Pixar bracket so that people could fill out their own. Find it here. There's lots of internet fighting these days, and everyone's always mad about something but I dunno, being mad about what Disney movie is best I just feel like is a good thing to be mad about you know? People are passionate about Disney movies and I really appreciate that.

So, upon discovering this full seeded bracket, you can bet that instead of being productive and working hard on a Tuesday afternoon, my coworkers and I instead, devoted the entire afternoon to filling out our Disney/Pixar brackets. We carefully paced up and down our cube aisle debating aloud, "Beauty and the Beast or Mulan?" "Incredibles or Monster's Inc?" "Beauty and the Beast has the better soundtrack right?" RIP, work.

You go your entire life just loving Disney movies right, and anytime one comes up in conversation (cause I dunno about you but Disney movies come up in casual party conversation often) you're just like, "omg yes I love that one!" so to sit down and actually rank them, and pick which one you like the absolute best was a challenging exercise. It was an emotional journey. Cathartic. Heartwarming. Nostalgic. But in the end, there can only be one winner. And mine, was the The Lion King.

My final four were Aladdin, The Emperor's New Groove (most underrated Disney move everrrr), Lion King, and Toy Story. I feel good about my final four and I feel good about my top pick. Lion King is classic Disney. Timeless. I have to admit though, I had a really tough time deciding between Aladdin and Emperor's New Groove. I was OBSESSED with Emperor's New Groove. I ended up picking Aladdin over it because of the Soundtrack. Aladdin soundtrack is fire, be honest. I ran into the same problem with Beauty and Beast vs. Little Mermaid. How does one pick?! I went with Little Mermaid for two reasons: 1.) I did a gymnastics routine for my school talent show in 6th grade to "Under the Sea," and 2.) When my sister and I were kids, we used to put scrunchies around our ankles when we went swimming and pretended we were mermaids, flopping around with our make-shift mermaid tail. I dunno, the mermaid life is just really close to my heart you know?

What's your top Disney pick?! Final four?! Fill out the bracket and let's discuss!

Where Did You Go, May?

Word on the street is, IT'S JUNE. Which is a little weird because I have been looking all over to try and find where May went and I have no idea where it ended up. JK I found it in my photo library, which I just spent 1+ hours looking through and I'm about to show you all of it. But the point is, May went by fast..pickin' up what I'm layin' down?

May was my dear friend Tyah's 30th birthday and her husband threw her a surprise party (points for you, Abel) and we drank wine together and took photos with oversized 3-0 balloons cause else are you supposed to do at your 30th you know what I mean?

Tyah is 1/4 of what we call, The Quad. 2 Townsends + 2 Haros = The Quad. It's probably not the most original name but I'm not good at math so that's the best I could do. Nate and Abel have been running amok together since like, the 1st grade. Then Abel and Tyah got together in high school and she came into my life with her beautiful flowing blonde hair and perfect face and I wasn't sure how to be friends with someone so perfect but everything turned out fine and we've been bff's ever since. 

May was also my dear friend Jennica's birthday and it just so happened to work out that I had the honor and privilege of dining with, and enjoying the happiest of hours with the birthday girl on her actual birthday. We ate bruschetta, drank wine, and filled out brackets. A Disney bracket, an 80's/90's movie bracket, and a Taylor Swift song bracket, to be exact. I discovered the art of filling out brackets this year and now I can't stop cause it's kind of (read: really) fun. Perhaps more on this later, in its own blog post (cause I need blog material if you know what I mean). I can't speak for the birthday girl, but it was a pretty damn good night if you ask me.

You know what else was pretty damn good (such a predictable transition, I know)?! THE TAYLOR SWIFT REPUTATION STADIUM TOUR. And I went in May. And it was opening night. And it was everything I had hoped it would be. And there was an acoustic version of Dancing with our Hands Tied (which was EVERYTHING). And an acoustic version of All too Well (which also was EVERYTHING cause that's my fav T Swift song of all time). And she danced in a water fountain and ugh I'm sad it ever had to end. 

My friend Kayla and I have gone to every single one of her headlining tours and Reputation was definitely one for the books! Thanks Tay Tay. 

We celebrated mom's in May - mine in particular, with a bouquet of gift cards and more importantly (just being honest) an ice cream bar.

I had more helpings of ice cream than I care to admit and I paid for it in breakouts, but yolo worth it. Mom's sacrifice a lot to raise kids - the least I could do was sacrifice my skin to eat copious amounts of ice cream buried in candy. Call me a team player. 

Nate and I FINALLY got our Sig P365's in May, that we ordered back in February. Sig came out with a compact carry pistol this January that holds 10+1 rounds. TEN PLUS ONE. I got the P238 a couple years ago because it was small enough for me to comfortably carry and I can easily load the magazines, but it only holds 7+1 rounds. So, for Sig to make virtually the same size firearm but increase the capacity - you can imagine why everyone else wanted one too. 

And the rest of May was spent driving all over southern Utah with my husband, visiting a bunch of National Parks.

...but that's another blog post for another day. 😏

May busy. In a good way. It was full of new places. And it was warm enough, that it's starting to smell like summer.

Missed a post in this month? Check them out here:

It's Been Real, April

Reputation, Ranked