A Public Plea - No More Bro Country

Alright guys, I have a real bone to pick here, but before I do,

Full disclosure: Country music is my jam. It's my go-to. My fav.

Full disclosure: Country music is terrible right now.

Exhibit A:

This is public plea to put a stop, once and for all, to "Bro Country."

Ever heard of it? It's been described as, "music by and of the tatted, gym-toned, party-hearty young American white dude" (read: douchebag).
"If Florida Georgia Line's 'Cruise' were a guy at a bar, he would sidle up to the hottest blonde in the room, laugh loudly at his own jokes, and, after crashing and burning with a couple of lame pickup lines ask, 'Have you heard this awesome song?!' Whereupon he would whip out his iPhone and dial up the video for Florida Georgia Line's 'Cruise.'"
source

Make no mistake, I looove a lot of these songs. I gobbled up "Cruise" like junk food on a Sunday before a new diet starts; and then they remixed it with Nelly and gobbled it all up again. But when the only flavor on the table is trucks, jeans, party, girls...wash, rinse, repeat...it gets a little old.
Real old, actually.

It's easy to spot Bro Country from a mile away.
1.) There will always be misspelled words in the song title, usually in the form of an omitted letter or the addition of a "Z" in place of an "S"
Example(s):

2.) They mention, at least one time, a rapper of some sort

3.) There's auto-tune...


4.) And lots of jewelry. Or wallet chains. Or if you're Brantley Gilbert, both.

I've always loved country music because it was intelligent, each song was unique, and had so much more to offer than "bitches, and ho's, and 'poppin' bottles.'" Unfortunately however, the country version of the aforementioned seems to equate to "girls, tight jeans, and fireball whiskey" (which is delicious, by the way, nobody's denying that). In other words, country music has become so dumbed down, so generic, and so bland, that I literally can't listen to it anymore. I haven't listened to country radio in months because it's so terrible and all sounds the exact same. I'm convinced the same ten songs, no more, no less, are played over and over day after day (all of which, by the way, include some form of bro country).

Luke Bryan you sir, might be the worst offender. You lost me at "Country Girl (Shake it for Me)," and "That's my Kinda Night" is the worst. Your face is adorable, your personality is inviting, but your music and your gyrating is for the birds. I'm over it.

Jason Aldean hit the nail on the head with "Dirt Road Anthem" (which I will still repeat the crap out of, by the way, sooo good) and then tried to replicate it...over, and over, and over again with "1994" and "The Only Way I know"...and Ludacris.

Tim McGraw is a legend and has so many classic songs in his repertoire...and then he ran out of creativity and gave us "Truck Yeah" and "Southern Girl."
Tim, I thought we were friends.

The combination of Brantley Gilbert's new "Bottoms Up," and Jerrod Niemann's new "I can Drink to that All Night" (see above video) is enough to make my head explode.
So. Bad. So, so bad.

Guys, stop rapping.
I'm begging you. Just stop it.
If I wanted to listen to rap, I'd put the radio on a rap station.
If I wanted auto-tune I'd put it on a top-40 station.
I get it. You love to drink. You party your face off. You already told me 2 records ago.

Don't get me wrong, everyone, including myself, loves a party anthem, or a good summer song, but it used to be, for every "Chattahoochee"...


...there was always an "Arlington."


So, men of country music, I challenge you - bring back your intelligence, your individualism, and your creativity, and lay off the keg stands (and the rap). Cause right now you all sound the same and you're basically one big boy band for the entire "country" music industry. And even though you're kind of being a douche right now, I really do love you. And I miss you. So I need you to fix this mmmk?? No more bro country.

Love ya, mean it, ciao.