I Don't Mean to Brag but...

Alright guys, I'm gonna be completely honest here in this post today. You know how people try to like, 'humble brag' all subtly out there on their social media sometimes? Sometimes I get the urge to humble brag but you know what - today, I don't even wanna beat around the bush - I wanna like, straight up brag. Because I feel like there's a lot going right in my life right now and I just want to take this moment and let you all in on it.

So like, 

I don't mean to brag but, I can eat two boxes of Mike & Ike's in one sitting.

I don't mean to brag but, I only have to reverse and re-park my truck like twice before I make it in between the lines. If I park way out far where there's no cars on either side I can usually make in one fell swoop.

I don't mean to brag but, I can snooze my alarm anywhere between 6-10 times and still not wake up.

I don't mean to brag but, I'm taller than most 4th graders.

I don't mean to brag but, I blogged one time in April. ONE time.

I don't mean to brag but, I didn't post any Justin Timberlake "It's gonna be May" memes today. But don't lie, those never get old.

I don't mean to brag but, I can fish laying down. Nate calls it lazy and inefficient but I call it smart. And maybe only slightly inefficient.

I don't mean to brag but, I can go like two weeks without vaccuuming my house and the dog hair really piles up. Like, you might be impressed. Or grossed out one of the two.

I don't mean to brag but, I'm really good at writing passive aggressive emails at work.

I don't mean to brag but, if I spend a whole Saturday on the couch binge watching Netflix (or Impractical Jokers. Or a Harry Potter marathon, perhaps) I can get less than 1,000 steps on my Fitbit for the day.

I don't mean to brag but my right big toe nail still has bruising from when I hiked Reavis Ranch last October. LAST OCTOBER.

I don't mean to brag, but I know all the words to the rap part of Ciara's "1, 2 Step."

I don't mean to brag but, I'm pretty good at sending funny snapchats

Whew. I feel better now. Sometimes the urge to not-so-humbly brag is just too much and you really just need to let it all out am I right?