If I Knew Then What I Know Now...

Guess what today is guys? Wednesday? You're correct...but no.

The 26th of February? Correct...but no. Kind of.

It's my birthday!

I never know the right balance to have on your birthday between not telling anyone and being really obnoxious and telling everyone. For the sake of this blog post (and life in general) I went with the latter. It's the day I was born, and I don't know about you but that sounds like a good day to me. Also, I found this on Twitter:

...and I really wanted someone to sing it to me all day, but I couldn't be like, "hey look at this really funny thing I found on the interwebs! Will you send it to me and pretend that you found it on your own and sent it out of the goodness of your own heart, not because I told you to??" ...but that would probably wouldn't work out in real life the way I had it worked out in my head. Either way, that's not the point of this post and I have no idea why I went down this rabbit trail.

The point of this post is that, any time a birthday rolls around, it's a good opportunity to reflect on your life, the things you've learned, and where you are today. That said, I thought I'd take a moment and reflect on the knowledge I've received so far.

If I knew then, what I know now...

I would've eaten more salt cause there's no bumps behind my ears like my dad told me there would be if I ate too much of it. ...Who doesn't like to clean out the salt on the bottom of the popcorn bowl??

I wouldn't have spent so much of my allowance on TY Beanie Babies, cause it's 2014 and last I checked they're not selling for a million dollars on eBay.

I would've understood a little better, the idea that no trampoline in your backyard gets you a lower homeowners insurance rate. 

...however there's still no excuse for taking a trampoline away from your child

...ahem, mom and dad.

I wouldn't have spent all that time picking out the black seeds in my watermelon, cause it turns out, you can't grow a watermelon in your stomach if you ingest one. Like, it's physically impossible.

I wouldn't have treated the word "piss" like a curse word. ...It's really not that big a deal.

I would never have started watching Real Housewives of anywhere, cause now I can't stop.

I would've waited until Pinterest and Instagram to get married.

I had to plan my wedding without Pinterest. My wedding didn't even have its own hashtag. What kind of world is it when your wedding doesn't have its own hashtag??

I wouldn't have made myself look like an idiot and insisted to people throughout the entire duration of high school, "no really, this is it, we're not getting back together"...cause we all know how that turned out.

I wouldn't have wasted my time with all the lessons in patience my parents tried to teach me, because nothing teaches you patience more than being a Sprint customer wanting to check your Facebook feed on your mobile device only to have the words "Network Error" staring right back at you.

#SprintProbs

I would've started a blog a long time ago.

I wouldn't have judged my 7th grade computer teacher for having grey hair, a ponytail and the last name "Raper." Turns out Mr. Raper wasn't as dangerous (or creepy) as he looked (or as his name maybe kinda sorta implied) and I learned all about typing efficiency and the home keys that year. Thanks, Mr. Raper.

I would've paid more attention during math so that maybe I wouldn't have to count on my fingers these days.

I would've remembered to put my hamster back in his cage after I took him out to clean it that one time so that maybe he didn't have to die a slow death in the wilderness that is backyard suburbia...or fast maybe depending on if the dogs got to him. 

RIP Skippy.

And there it is. Things I would do differently if I knew then what I know now.

Hindsight is always 20/20 right?

Coulda woulda shoulda.

And on that note, I'm out folks. Gotta go get my birthday on.