10 Signs I'm Not Ready to be a Mom

I could start off this post by telling you how annoying it is to have everyone asking you, "when are you gonna have kids?!!" but to be honest, no one really asks me that.

They know better.

Kids terrify me, and the idea of being in charge of one terrifies me even more. So heres 10 more signs that tell me I'm not ready to be a mom:

1.) Soggy food in the sink while doing dishes makes me gag. So I'm pretty sure poopy diapers are out of the question.

2.) Whenever someone in my news feed announces a pregnancy my first thought is, 

"another one bites the dust."...is that mean??

3.) I can only oooh and ahhhh over a baby for so long and then I'm over it.

You're really cute, baby. I get it. But I'm gonna go check the score of the baseball game now, K?

...is that mean??

4.) I'm not ready to go nine months without any wine.

5.) The thing I look forward to most on the weekends is sleeping in, and once you have a baby you can't really sleep in for like, the next 18 years.

6.) If I can't figure out what my dogs want when they whine at me, surely I won't be able to figure out what a baby needs.

7.) Child birth.

Don't make me talk about it.

Don't make me listen to you talk about it.

8.) $35 on dog food is a little steep for me. I get the impression that children cost way more than $35.

...to raise and provide for one that is, not to buy one out-right. This is America, you can't buy children.

9.) I've unfollowed everyone's pregnancy, baby, nursery, maternity photos, and parenting boards on Pinterest. No offense or anything.

10.) I'm just too lazy. You moms out there are hard workers and I just don't have it in me right now to rear, and nurture, and grow the future decision makers of the United States of America.

I'm content with a bowl of mac n' cheese and a Real Housewives of anywhere marathon for now.